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Jul. 30th, 2009

A crappy story I wrote in highschool.

A story about love taken...

They stood there in the door way, bruised and bleeding. Walking into the house they sat at the table, looking at each other. Crying. They once again tried to walk freely in the real world with no worries, but again were disappointed. They wished to walk in light, with their friends and family. To be able to hold hands in public and to show affection towards one another. When they did these things they would be mocked almost as fast as they got outside, they would get stoned, or worse torn away from the other and beat one after the other. The second would watch the first bleed, when she would bleed it was the other's turn. This has happened many times before. And has now happened for the fourth time. The girls were getting sick of it. They vowed their lives would change soon, little did they know, it would change more then they wanted it to.
“Shall we try again. Liliai?” Aeryn asked her love with a smile.
“How are you always so cheerful? How can you forgive them, their words? Are their words not poison to you as they are to me?” Liliai walked out from the bedroom.
“Yes they are poison, more than anything. That’s why we should forgive them. People can’t accept weird, strange, and new things. And we are all of those things.”Aeryn walked over and wrapped her arms around Liliai. “We must try to forgive them at least.”
“I don’t want to. They hurt you and me too many times to forgive.” Liliai wrapped her arms around Aeryn as well and then kissed her on the forehead.
“Well then, can we at least try one more time?” Aeryn squeezed Liliai’s waist. “Please?”
“I...I don’t know, what if they hurt you again? I couldn’t take that.”
Aeryn smiled and then walked into the bedroom to grab something.
“Ok, we can go now.” Aeryn grabbed Liliai’s hand which was shaking.
“...ok, let’s not be too long, ok?”
Aeryn smiled as Liliai looked worried as she asked.

Aeryn and Liliai walked hand in hand. They had never been able to go for this long before getting stoned, yelled at or teased by someone. Something was wrong about this day.
“We should’ve stayed inside, I don’t like this.” Liliai was trying to walk backwards, back home. But Aeryn would not let her.
“No, it will be fine trust me. I have something for you but you have to wait till we get to the town square. Ok hun?” Aeryn leaned up and kissed Liliai on the cheek.
“Fine, I’ll wait.” Liliai still looking worried and nervous, now more nervous because of the present she was about to get from Aeryn.

They walked a good half hour before they reached the square. When they got there no one was there, not even a child. This was odd because usually the square is full of people, young and old. Aeryn took Liliai to the fountain and had her sit down.
“So, why are we here? What was so important we needed to come here, of all places?” Liliai looked up at Aeryn who was now starting to cry. “What’s wrong?” Liliai went to stand up but was softly pushed back down.
“You have to stay sitting for this. Promise you will sit.” Aeryn smiled, tears running down her face.
“I promise.” Liliai smiled.
“Ok, how do I do this?” Aeryn got on one knee and Liliai automatically started to cry.
“Liliai, I have loved you since we were children. I love you now and I always will. I want you to be mine forever...”There was a pause for some brief crying. “Will you....” But before Aeryn could get out the words, there was a long stick coming out her back into her chest. Right into her heart.
“Liliai what’s wrong?” Aeryn didn’t even notice.
“You...you have and arrow..through..your chest....Baby?” Liliai was shocked as her one and only love fell into her lap, bleeding onto the ground. “Aeryn? Aeryn wake up! Don’t leave me! Baby?...BABY!!” Liliai was now screaming as tears poured down her face. Aeryn’s limp body was now going cold. The tears that had already been in her eyes were now drying. Liliai kissed Aeryn one more time and as she did the town’s people were all coming out of their houses. Cheering.
“She’s dead! There love is dead!” The towns people cried that over and over.
Liliai tried to grab up Aeryn and take her back home but was denied by two giant hands.
“You will never be together, never again...NEVER!” As one of the men screamed this at Liliai, they grabbed Aeryn and pulled her away from Liliai, there hands were the last to touch. Pulling away Aeryn’s ring, soon to be Liliai’s wedding ring fell into Liliai’s hand. Liliai clutched it tight.
“Where are you taking her!” Liliai cried out. “Please don’t take her from me.”
The towns people laughed as Aeryn’s body dragged in the sand and rock, getting completely dirty.
“Don’t! Your getting her dirty!” Liliai’s eyes had now gone mad.
She too was now being dragged away and didn’t even notice the crosses on either side of the square. Then in a rush of pain she noticed them, and realized their purpose.
“Don’t hurt her. Please, do anything to me. Just don’t hurt her.” Liliai tried her hardest not to mention what they were doing there. But it was to late, someone noticed the ring.
“Take the ring! Take it! She can never have it! Just like their love!” Liliai fought to keep the ring but out of the middle of no where, a knife as sharp as the pain in her heart, cut her hand. Liliai screamed in pain and opened her hand. The ring dropped to the ground. Liliai tried her very best to get it back, but she could not move.
“Don’t please! Don’t take that!” Liliai screamed at the top of her lungs. “Please forgive me baby! I failed you!” Liliai continued to scream. She looked over at her lost love and witnessed the most horrific sight ever. Her body was being nailed to the cross, her hands and feet. The arrow still in her body. The blood had stopped flowing. They raised the cross and cheered.
“Sinner’s! Blasphemy!” All the town’s people were yelling and throwing rocks at Aeryn’s already dead body. Liliai couldn’t watch anymore. It was to hard to watch her love be stoned after death. Liliai didn’t even realized that she was being lowered to her very own cross. Liliai didn’t even fight anymore. Tears rolled down the side of her eyes, and into her ears. The towns people all laughed as the hammer went into the air and then back down again. Throwing rocks again. Liliai screamed as the nail was driven into her ankles.
“Aeryn...” The hammer smashed down again. “I love...” Again. “I love you!” Liliai screamed as they went at her hands. The pain in her ankles had almost gone numb. She could not hear the crowd. A sharp pain was found in each of her hands. They pushed her cross up, and it landed with a jerk. Which pulled at the nails. Liliai screamed.

Days, turned to weeks, weeks turned to months. Aeryn and Liliai were still nailed to their crosses. Liliai was still alive, to the town’s people wonder. Still every now and then she would get stoned by the odd child. Aeryn’s body was starting to turn rancid, the birds had been at her and Liliai could do nothing but watch. Liliai hated not being able to do anything about it. The final day came. Liliai dropped her head and cried one last time. Liliai’s body went limp and she closed her eyes. It was over finally, it was done. The Pain. The fear.
“I will be with you my love, even after death I will never leave you.” Liliai’s cuts had opened. The nails slipped through her hands and feet. Her almost dead body fell to the ground. Dust flew everywhere. Her body twitch one last time. Liliai realized that there was something shining on the ground next to her, it was the ring. Liliai reached over and grabbed it. Holding in her cold fingers. She smiled one last time. Then nothing. Silence.

Coming out.

Prepare for all of what I can give from myself. For now...

Running through my dreams, I stumble upon nightmares. Hopelessly wishing for an escape. Running, like I was being chased. I look behind me and no one is there. Yet I feel like there are eye's piercing me, like knives twisting into my body.


That was a little emo. So let's just go away from that for now and just talk about me. Yeah, no. Not that full of myself. But I am going to do one thing. Something I have never written down before. My coming out.
I wouldn't really know where to start. I mean I have really knew that I always liked girls but just hid it away far underneath everything. Even as a young kid, maybe the age of 4-6, I always looked at my best friends as more of a secret crush. Almost every best friend i have had, which has only been around 5. but that is close best friends, like sisters, or even sometime acting like lovers without the sex.
My friend crush was Jo. Best friends from kindergarten to grade 6. We were never apart, i was always at her house. I first felt jealously when a new girl came to our school, in grade 5 and pretty much stole my best friend away from me. Jo and I drifted away slowly.  Then some family stuff with me happened. (Way to long to add all that crap.) So grade six and a new school. First girl who talked to me was very cute. Her name was Sara and she showed me where the bathroom was. She is married now. The next couple years were rough, I had moved to completely different schools. My old school, very full of  farmers and hicks. We were good kids, no drugs, no smoking, no drinking. Well look at our ages but a new move to a town called Napanee would change me forever.  Age 11. A age for playing and being a kid. But not in Napanee, at age 11 I met a couple girls. Some I wish I hadn't, rough girls. They took me under there wing and taught me everything, and introduced me to a wonderful world of drugs, sex and drinking. I know I had a fucking horrible childhood. but come what may. Back to the story. I was offered a cigarette an took it, having tried it before it wasn't that bad. I did also grow up and a bum fuck Idaho place called Marlbank. Drinking and Drugs are the two pass times for the town. I almost died of alcohol poisoning at age 11, tried weed for the first time and pulled a fully loaded bong, which pissed off my brother because he couldn't. That year was just not a good year for me, I found out a lot of things that I didn't want to. I found out my father is a child molester as well. Drinking and drugs were mine and my brother rebel. But the fights that my brother and I would get into were insane. He is two and a half years older then me and I am very short, he is about 5'9. Scary combo when we get together, but the anger that was in both my brother and me was not controlled anymore. My mother could not handle us and we used to almost kill each other until one of us would realize what we were doing. Anyways, because of all this fighting, drinking, drugs and ....sex. Something I left out, so we must go back to this because this is when I first realized I was a lesbian, not my first experience. It was with a boy. His name was Clayton, he was 15 and my brother friend. Remember I was 11. He traveled down from Barry to see me. And we had already been dating online and when he came down it was like all he wanted was in my pants. Surprise, surprise. Well he talked me into it and we did it, I was scary and not very graceful. And to top it off, for a 15 year old he was above average. Which didn't feel nice, but he was quite gentle. But a weird thought came into my head that day. "Shouldn't I be liking this?" Because to tell the truth, I felt nothing. Other then the fact I have the most agonizing pain in a new place and he body hitting mine. Nothing was really making me even think about coming. After we were done, i pulled up my pants and walked into the living room he followed. Sitting next to me on the futon. He tried placing his arm around me and I shrugged it off. I laid down and he laid next to me and did the same thing, I again moved it. then after 5 minute of this back and forth arm play I sat up and strictly said. "go home." He sat up startled but didn't say anything to protest. I must have looked angry. I realized, that...I liked girls and not boys.
Near the end year at this time, my mom could not handle the fights and my brother and I never went to school. She broke down. And after a warning for me by the cops, one night my brother and I wear placed into a foster home.
Two year had passed and I had gotten better in school, grade 7 and 8 I was in a foster home, then high school hit. I had moved into my grandmother's house in the summer before school started. It was good at first. Grade 9, Napanee District Secondary School. I hate you so. Anyways, grade 9 I will never forget. For my first year of high school I met, Stacey J. My first full out love. No crushes this time. I fell for her and I fell hard. Red hair, freckles, fair skin, beautiful green/hazel eyes and was around 5'8. So with that friendship my height had some advantages, like hugs. My head. Breast level. After 3 year of hiding my feelings for her, and after 3 year we were so very close. We would lay on each other, play with each other’s hair, cuddle at night sleeping together, hook arms and hold hands walking down the halls of the school. We were never apart, even most of our classes were the same. All the same Art classes and some English, Math, History and a couple others. I loved her so hard. so after three years, I just could not hold it in. One night I think it might have been when we were online on Msn. I am pretty sure I was to chicken to say it to her face. She took it rather well. And didn't seem to mind the fact that I said I didn't think I could stop loving her. She never treated me different and sometimes she would say things that hinted at something more. I almost kissed her a million times. and still to this day she is the only girl I have been friends with and have not kissed. Another year passed and she had broken up with her long term boyfriend. My chance, and for once. I took it. But maybe to soon, after her and Steven were no longer together everyone asked her out. Everyone and there mothers. I mean she was gorgeous. She had wrote me a not while dating Steven saying that if they were not together she would be wit me, I brought this up to her and it was to soon. She met a boy named Andrew and they are still together today. Around the time this was happening, I found Amber. Well my brother found her, invited her over for my birthday for him, and I kind of stole her. The day of my birthday was a drunk day, I was turning 18. Amber and I were wasted while we watched a movie down stairs in the basement with my brothers. We had pillows on the floor and blankets. My arm was under my pillow as I rested my head on it, and I noticed Amber's arm was the same. I still to this day don't remember who reached there hand first. And I wish I knew. But that started it all. We held hands in secret watching a movie. Some drunk bullshit happened with my brother which caused a yelling match, Amber and I went to my room and we could still here them, I heard a crash and went for the door. Amber grabbed me and held me saying no. Then after everything calmed down we went to bed. And says her i tried to kiss her and she stopped me and I passed out. but the next weekend we were not drunk, she let me touch her breast, and her stomach. And the weekend after that, we finally kissed. We were are my house and I had never kissed like that before in my life, it was rough and passionate. I loved every minute of it. We actually cut each other's lips with that kiss. I asked her out and she said yes, but we had to keep it a secret, I agreed. Almost a month went by and we had been waiting to make love, anything we did was always over the clothes. But sometimes I would push her just because I wanted her so bad. but she never gave in. I invited her to my prom and she loved the idea, but again we had to go as friends. (which we ended up kissing at prom and she was laying on me, and the rumors were all right anyways.) A week before prom I was sleeping over at her house and we were watching a movie. I looked over to the left and saw her looking at me. "what?" I asked her and she said "nothing." I finally got it out of her and she shyly said. "I can't wait." She moved her hand to my chest and she leaned in to kiss me. After that kiss it all just melted together, every movement fluent. Like we had done this all before. and to my surprise, Amber, my very "straight" preppy girlfriend discovered a position that I thought only lesbian's knew about. I think it is called the scissors . Well that was fun, she even got on top for once. Very mousy. I swear we lasted for hours, rolling around on her bed, trying to stay quite. And 3 months with her was heaven. I still think about her to this day but not in a way that would be girlfriend wise, I just think about her from time to time wondering what she is doing and how she is with her new fiancee, we talk sometimes, but very rarely. Bad breakup evolving, parents, friends and school. She loved me then, no matter how much she denies us.

 That’s pretty much all I want to write. I mean I could go on for hours. But I wont bore you. I am now 20, recently broke it off with my girlfriend. And starting to find out myself and how to love everything I am. Which is not easy. Don’t judge me for things I have gone through, I am a better person because of it.


Since I wrote this, I have found the love of my life. We are now engaged. And happier then ever. Just goes to show, Once you love yourself, love finds you. My relationship is rocking and a little bit of a roller coaster, but who's isn't, is not perfect but it's mine. And I wouldn't give away my love for any money or anything. I would give my life gladly for hers. In a heart beat. In 14 days our one year anniversary will be here. And I will be more happier then ever. She has dealt with me longer then anyone has, through all my wining and bitching. And the jealousy issues i have. And I have dealt with her issues. we make compromises, but that's the way it goes. I love her now and I always will. Jess and I have been through some bad times but mostly good times. I love the fact that her family loves me, and that my family loves her. We found eachother randomly on a website, and about 2 month later I moved in with her. Being 2 hours away from eachother was hard as it was, only saw one another every weekend thanks to my friends mom who drove me up every weekend to come get her. It was fast to move in yes, but we connected like no one else. We still feel like we have known eachother for longer then we have. There are times when we will say the same thing at the same time, or we just have to look at eachother and we know what the other is thinking. I have friends who don't like her and she have friends that don't like me, we just ignore then and say, at least we are happy and no one can take that away from us.
Jessica King is the love of my life and always will be, no matter what happens I will always love her.

Mar. 12th, 2009


I'm always thinking, half the time that's all I do. My girlfriend asks me what's wrong, I say nothing. Because I can't really explain what I am thinking, can't transfer my thoughts into words. It's not usually anything that important, just thoughts. Everyday life, emotions, and currently witer's block. Thinking about writer's block makes it worse I have noticed. I want to write, because that's what I love to do. For some reason lately I just can't think of anything. I used to be able to write forever, sit at the computer and just type. Not now, I am lucky to even write this. And this is starting to prove a challenge, because I don't even know what to write here. So I am just writing down what comes to mind, so this might get random. It's funny, when I am not with someone I can write days at a time about being with someone. But when I am with someone I feel that's all I write about. If that even makes sence. I mean, I want to write a story or even go back to poety. Nothing, not even a sentence or a paragragh that doesn't have to do with my love. Not saying that is a bad thing, believe me it's not. I love her to death and love writing about her, but it's always the same thing. I can't think of anything that I haven't already done, to be honest I wish I was back in school. Wrote the best while ignoring the teacher in class.

My life lately has been close to perfect, I have a ton of cats, in which I love. I have a wonderful soon to be fiance when she asks me, it's only a matter of time. We have an apartment and moving soon. I hope the moves goes well, back to her home town closer to her family and friends, but farther away from mine. I don't blame her really it was my choice to move up here and I wanted to be with her. The distance was killing us. I found someone who loves me back as much as I love them, but we have different views on what is right and wrong in a relationship. I feel that kissing someone else isn't really something I want my girl doing...but she does anyways. Honestly I don't mind her kissing her friends I guess, but her ex's are one thing, even ex's who are her friends. If she reads this she is going to kill me for saying that. Anyways. Just, I am all for her and her alone. I don't think of anyone else, unless famous because that doesn't really count, never going to happen clause. Even though I know she will come home to me, and go to bed every night next to me. It still hurts, and I don't think anyone really understands that. I mean, yea people have been cheating on, but kissing can that really be considered that. I mean if she wants to do it, I am going to let her because I don't want to lose her. I am not losing someone I consider to be my soul mate through and through over something like that. She just loves the attention so much, and I can't blame her she is beautiful. I am just scared that one dayy she will end it because she found someone better, although I think that isn't possible. Not to be cocky but I am an amazing girlfriend, I mean I do anything and everything for her even if she doesn't ask me. I cook, I clean and do everything. She helps, but I have OCD so cleaning is a natural to me. I let her win all the fights because I don't like arguing with her. I go out into the cold to go to the store alone, to get things, even though I asked her to come but she doesn't like the cold. I really don't know why I am writing this. I don't know, just sometimes I have to write things down, it makes me feel better.

I have alot of cat's as I said before, a ton. I don't think they would weight up to a ton if weight. But it's a lot, expecally for a one bedroom apartment. The amount of cat's we have pretty much would make us crazy cat people. And when our two older females have more kittens to add to the ones we already have we will be even more crazy. We tried everything to not let them get pregnet this time too. Put the alpha male in the cat carrier before going to bed, so we don't have to watch him. But some how he got two pregnet anyways. We are trying to get rid of some of the kittens, so if you want one. Then ask. I will give you one for free. Oh, and I have 13 cats so far, waiting on more kittens..

I realized that I bought an xbox 360: Elite for my girlfriend and I for christmas, and pretty much haven't played at all for a month and half till today for about 30 mins. She is addicted to Halo 3, and mostly to xbox live. I can't even talk to her when she is playing, and that frustrates me sometimes. I mean I get to write on the computer all I want but some nights I wouldn't just mind sitting down watching a movie or just the TV. Oh for our 7th month anniversary which is tomorrow, she is not going on there at all. I am making that a rule. Because I wasn't aloud to play WoW when It was our like 3 month, so yea. The tables have turned. I really don't like being ignored like i do though, yes she talks to but it's only when I get mad because she is on there. I mean yes playing for a couple hours is fine but like all night is another thing. But I pretend I don't care, it's easier that way.

I love my girl so much that it makes my head hurt. I mean, I can say I have never loved someone so much. And that's a fact. But really I have never had anyone love me completely back. I have always been fucked around with, cheated on or even just been used as an experiment. She actually loves me. But I do miss the talks we used to have, and the way we used to fool around and joke with each other. Seven months have gone by and I love that this has gone this far, and I hope it lasts for a long time. But sometimes I don't know. I mean, my girl and I used to talk about marrige a lot, and having each other in our futures. Now she says she doesn't know what she sees in her future. So that kinda scares me, is she getting bored of me or am I just that bad at everything that she doesn't want me anymore. I know this is just my low self esstem and everything that adds to that, that's making me think this way. But it's like whenever I even kiss her now, it's not how it use to be. It's fast and quick and it seems like she just wants to get it over with, but sometimes it's like the begining. I don't know. I really shouldn't even be thinking this, why am I? I guess I just have to start living day by day and just be glad we have made it this far already.

Oh and I need to get more hair dye and bleach, to do my hair again. It's starting to grow out. You probably didn't need to know that but I was just reminding myself. But then again I need money first to do that, and enough that i can spend it on something as useless as hair dye and bleach.


Mar. 11th, 2009

Just a little something.

My life as always been a roller coaster, not knowing when it is going to end. But one day, a most amazing thing happened, after months of searching and finally giving up, she found me. Not at a bar, or a dance club, but on the internet. I know cliche. Honeslty though, at first I didn't think that it would go this far, seeing how she had just broke up with her girlfriend about three weeks before messenging me. I thought I would be a rebound. Spending more time with her, I figured out that wasn't the case. Seven months have gone by since we first met, and I have never been happier. It was hard at first because we lived about two to three hours away from eachother, only seeing eachother on the weekends and without my friends mother, who is my friend as well, then I wouldn't have met her at all. The first meeting, I was driven to pick up her up from her apartment and bring her back to my friends place. I was staying there at the time. I was so nervous, I had such a powerful feeling of butterflies that they turned into bats, fluttering around in my stomach. No longer drowning in the smog of my past but making flight to the future. Hoping and wishing this one was different. My friends mom and her boyfriend noticed that I was nervous, I even let my friends mom feel my hands they soaked with sweat. She laughed and looked at her boyrfriend, and then said something funny. "I think this girl needs a little courage." And then she rolled a joint. We smoked that and I felt a bit better. The drive up took so long, I thought I would never get there. As well, I had told the girl I was meeting that I would be there in an hour not knowing how far it was. So when we have finally got there, I had to wait downstairs outside for her. I waited about twenty mintuies before coming back to the SUV, my friends mom said . "Go back there and wait." I winned and said it was cold, but went back anyways. Half way back to the apartment she came out, and I was stunned. She was tall, I knew this but her pictures did her no justice. She was gorgouse and still is today. Her hair was down, long and black. I hadn't noticed at the time but knew ahead of time she had tattoo's. Her attire was what I expected, but loved about her. Baggy tripp pants and a baggy sweater. Periced eyebrows twice, on both, three lips rings, and numerous ear rings. I couldn't stop looking at her and I think she was surprised that I was actually as short as I said I was. I said hello, she said it back. And then we walked to the SUV, we got in and I introduced her to my friends mom and her boyfriend. My friends mom was helping releave the tension with jokes and just being silly. I love her for that, but the back seats where never quiet. I have never talked to someone so much after first meeting someone new. But for some reason I could. Her and I did nothing but talk the whole way home. I wanted to much to hold her hand, and when we weren't talking we both looked out the window. I would look at her every now and then stealing glances of her, found out later she was doing the same thing and she wanted to grab my hand as well. But had the same feeling I did, way to nervous. Later when we got to the house, we really didn't do much at first just talking and watching tv. I sat at the end of the couch, while she sat at the other. I was to nervous to try anything, I don't do the first moves. It took about half way through the second movie before she looked and me and said something surprising. "You know, you can cuddle with me." Yes! I had forgot she had told me she was a cuddle freak, and I very much love that about her. Because I am too. So i slid over to her and she wrapped her arm around me. I think my face turned red but the lights were off so she didn't notice. We had the living room to ourselves because at the time, my friends mom and her boyfriend had the room in the basement, and my friends mom's daughter who is a close friend of mine was in her room all night on the computer. We had lost of privacy, but at the time I didn't think we would need it. I am not a prue, but I have never slept with someone that I have just met, well once but I was very much high and drunk and that was a couple years before this plus it was only a one night stand thing. And I wanted to date the girl I was cuddling with. When we had talked on the internet and the phone we would ask all sorts of questions, as well and flirt like mad. She had asked me what I was looking for in a relationship, I had said someone to settle down with. Because I am sick of people playing with me, and being people's experiments. She agreed and said that's what she was looking for too. I bigger glimmer of hope came about me. I hoped that she would like me, and not get sick or bored of me like everyone else. I am not that exciting, and sometimes very logical. So that tends to get annoying to some people. Although I have a huge sense of humor and that's what she love about me best, that I can laugh and pretty much anything funny. So anyways back the living room. We moved from the couch to the floor, I had laid down some blankets for us to sleep on and got some pillows. We were now watching a new movie but talking at the same time. I honestly don't remember who made the first move, I think she did. Actually she did, because I was to scared to. Don't know why but at first she very much intimaded me. Not anymore, because I know how much of a teddy bear she is, but piss her off and you better find a bomb shelter. We were laying there and she lended over and kissed me, not just a little kiss. The first kiss was powerful and deep. I never wanted it to end. That kiss led to others and then after a while of that, she moved her hands and so did I. But she had had her monthly gift so she wouldn't let me do anything to her. But really, I would have anyways. Fuck, I'm a girl I don't care about that stuff. Well that night, I figured out. I don't think I had ever truly mad love to someone. Because making love to her. Well let me tell you, she made me drunk, I was completely dismantled by her. Everything about her was outstanding. I have never met anyone like her, and I never want to.

It's been seven months as I have told you, and not much has changed in how I feel for her. It took me about two months to have her admit to me that she loved me, I had already told her. Because really I did. I fell hard for her and fast. She wanted to wait to tell me to make sure I wasn't going to leave her. She has had the same kinda of relationships as me, just someone dicking around with us. I love her more and more everyday, and I love having the talks with her, late at night for a couple hours before we go to sleep. I love to watch her draw, because she loves to do it so much. She has given me two presents that no one ever has before, and not just that she did it for me. She gave me two tattoo's. I never made her but I had asked her to draw me one up. And she did, it is amazing, a heart vile with a flame above it, with trible at the sides and a blank banner. It's only the outline so far, it hurt me to much. On my back, our old roommate had to hold me down. Later when she goes back to finish it the banner will say Stardust. Something between her and I. A couple days later she did one on my arm, it is a cute bat, wings seperate from the body and a heart underneith it. That one only needs to be touched up and coloured. I can't really see myself with anyone else other then her. I wake up every morning thanking who ever gave her to me. We like to say that she is the demon to my angel, because I am way more tame that she is, but I have my moments. I still get butterflies when we kiss, and my knees go weak when she breaths on my neck. We have both given each other rings, and maybe down the road. Maybe, we will be giving each other more serious rings. Not that the ones aren't but they are promise rings.

My heart skips a beat everytime I see her, and heard those words I love so much. Everything I hear, "I love you." Come from her lips I want to kiss her right there, because I know she means it. Her kisses practically knock me off my feet and her voice melts me. I love her with everything I have and more. It i could give her the world I would, to rip my heart out and put it in a box I would give it to her. I do everything and anything for her, even though she doesn't ask me to. I just want to. I love just making her happy, to see her smile. She had told me that she never really had before, and I make sure I make her at least once a day, if not more.

Her mouth is so tempting, her body devores me, and her eyes peirce my soul everytime. I have never loved anyone so much, and I know she loves me too. For see tells me everyday.

I have met my soul mate and her name is Jess.